


Shake the Stars

by Scriptophilia



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Enjoy!, Fluff and Humor, James and peter are trying their best to help, Jily mention but it is sadly secondary, Just for a warning there ARE some dark and violent parts, M/M, Sirius is a mess, THAT BEING SAID, angst and tension, but they are not nearly graphic enough for me to tag them, however, i will say that they are not limited to Remus and his transformations, told from all marauders point of view
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2019-06-20 11:26:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15533193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scriptophilia/pseuds/Scriptophilia
Summary: Remus is suffering unrequited feelings for the enigma called Sirius Black. In their sixth year, however, despite their intense friendship, Sirius is drifting further away from him in each waking minute. How can Remus convince this beautiful dilemma that he could shake the stars?





	1. Remus

Transformations were none too kind to Remus Lupin, and this one was no exception. He hadn't been able to spend his first night of sixth year in his dormitory with his friends because it was a full moon. His friends hadn't been able to be with him because they needed to get all of his things in order, such as unpacking his trunk and receiving his new prefect badge from McGonnagall. Now here he lay, deeply engrossed in the ceiling of the hospital wing, too weak to move his aching, bruised, and bleeding limbs. He was still blinking the sun out of his eyes when Sirius' voice rang out from across the wing, and Remus' ears rang in response.

 

"Moony!" Sirius bellowed, bounding through the wing much to the chagrin of Madame Pomfrey. Remus weakly raised an arm and gave him the best wave that he was able to give in his current state. "I brought you some chocolate, but I got hungry on the way over here. Merlin, you look bad." Remus knew he was correct in both of his statements. There was a large bite taken out of the corner of a Honeyduke's bar of chocolate, and he did look terrible. It was always worse when they weren't around to distract him from himself, when he would try and tear himself apart. It was particularly awful over the summer.

 

"I know, I know. Thanks, Pads," Remus said, blinking in surprise at the hoarseness of his voice. Sirius wordlessly passed him the water sitting on his bedside table. "I'll be back tomorrow morning," Remus continued, managing a wide, tired grin at his best friend. "Don't worry about me, I'm always fine." Sirius frowned, the corners of his lips drooping so that he vaguely resembled a toad.

 

"Yeah, but we should have been there," Sirius whined as he snapped off another piece of Remus' chocolate. "Hey, I bought it." Remus chuckled lightly and Sirius stood to leave. "Gotta go, my lovely James needs me. Get some rest, will you?" Sirius waved him goodbye and sauntered out of the hospital wing, all lanky legs and natural swagger. Part of Remus wished he, the reedy and quiet bookworm, could amount to even a fraction of the confidence James and Sirius so easily exuded. At least Peter didn't have it, either.

 

The next morning, Remus pushed himself up from the bed. He hadn't realized he had fallen asleep, but then accepted that he certainly needed it. He was greeted by his friends with overwhelming enthusiam upon entering his dormitory. He was bombarded with questions. "How was your summer?" "How do you feel?" "Are you still going to help us with pranks now that you’re a prefect?” Were just a few, asked by James, Peter, and Sirius, respectively.

 

Remus hadn't gotten a good look at Sirius earlier that day- his eyes were still bleary from sleep and medicine. But here, in the flickering firelight, violet blossoms hidden under tugged-down sleeves stood out like spilled ink on parchment. However, the placid look on Sirius' sharp figures told Remus everything he needed to know. Don't ask right now. Because, Remus told himself, he was most definitely going to ask about them. He was absolutely elated to be surrounded by his favorite people, but something seemed... off. Hadn't the conversation earlier been awkward? Forced, even? Remus shook his head. No, that was just his normal, overanalytical self. But then...

 

Sirius cleared his throat and announced that he was going upstairs, and James followed suit. Peter eventually pulled himself up from the floor to squeak a goodnight as well. This left Remus alone, unusual for the four of them. They were rarely alone, but Remus shook it off and hauled his aching bones up, up, up the stairs and eventually into his dormitory. He did not sleep. It evaded him, as did a normal life. A job, a family. All because of this pestilential affliction. His "furry little problem," as they so lovingly called it. 

 

 Eventually, Remus found himself at breakfast, sandwiched between James and Peter with Sirius sat across from him, his back to the Slytherin table. This was odd, to him, as Padfoot never passed on a chance to heckle Snape. Remus spooned heaps of sugar onto his oatmeal, only to receive a "blimey" then a shrug from Sirius, who needed some pancake with his syrup. James was prattling on about Lily again, no doubt, so Remus turned his attention there, rather than to the awkwardness he was feeling once again.

 

"... with Lilies! I'll charm the portrait hole to shower her with her very namesake when she graces the common room with her presence. Isn't that brilliant, Moony?" He offered only a half hearted nod to his friends excitement for his "wonderful" idea. It was no use stopping him now, really. He opened his mouth to make a sarcastic remark when his attention was stolen back by Sirius, who wiped his mouth and stood up.

 

"I'm heading to Minnie's class, see you lot there. Bye Moony, Wormtail. And Jamesie, my love." He blew a kiss to James, who made a spectacular show of catching it and holding it to his heart. The real spectacle, in Remus' opinion, was Sirius rubbing bruises and pulling his sleeves down once more and seeming to avoid them. Or him, at least. Oddly enough, Remus was feeling something harden around his heart and weigh him down, a nameless, shapeless thing building up inside of him. He felt unexplainable heartache, thought he hadn't lost anyone, to his knowledge. And he didn't like it one bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm stupid for writing three fics at once, but it keeps me occupied and it also keeps ideas flowing, you know? Anyway, thanks for reading!


	2. James

To James, Remus seemed pissed off. Not the usual kind of pissed off, where it was fake and he had to pretend to be angry at them for playing some stupid joke. No, this time was the real, genuinely angry Remus Lupin. The kind of angry that James had ever seen Remus be once, and that was when Sirius had told Snape how to get through the Whomping Willow. Maybe it was left over from their last school year when the incident happened, maybe it was from Sirius still beating himself up about it. Maybe the anger was subsiding now that Sirius went to see Remus in the hospital wing yesterday. He didn't know, but everything seemed off. Their whole dynamic as a group of friends was askew.

 

He didn't like it, that was for sure. James never wanted to admit it, no sir, but this took precedence over his beloved Evans. His two best mates, and Peter he supposed, since he just sort of followed everyone around, were about to be torn apart and possibly lost for good. Melodramatic as it was, James Fleamont Potter was not about to let anything happen to his merry band of Marauders. Wand twirling between his fingers, James set off to Transfigurations where he would hopefully find his friends snickering and kidding around as they usually would.

 

Boy, was he wrong. They were seated next to each other, sure, but the quiet was unnerving, even amidst the chatter in the classroom. He plopped down at a table to the right of Sirius. Peter was very nervously scooting his chair around next to him.

 

"D'you think something's wrong?" Peter asked. It was rare for Peter to pick up on social cues. so this meant something was unmistakably amiss. "Are they okay?"

 

"I don't know, Pete. I think they will be, eventually. You never know." James turned back to the front of the class, where McGonagall was now beginning the day's lesson. Classes that day were slower than ever before. Sprout was mundane. Binns was boring as ever. Slughorn was sluggish. Soon they were all faced with free time. They decided on putting the finishing touches on their magnum opus, the Marauder’s Map.

 

James was helping Remus with the bit that would insult anyone who attempted to use it without using the password. Brilliant, really. They hadn’t figured out the password yet but they knew it would be good. While this was happening, Sirius was stretched out on his back in front of the fireplace, his arms above his head and a sliver of sun kissed stomach visible above his waistband. He’d been putting his two cents in every now and again.

 

Remus, James noticed, was deliberately avoiding looking at Sirius, but his eyes would dart over for a split second to steal a glance. His words were but mumbles today, leaving James to assume he was still worn out. Remus’ body was frail, and it worried him. Sirius’ body wasn’t frail, compared to Remus, but his mind was.

 

Sirius spent the day at his house a few times, and rarely a night. There were about two or three weeks, however, where he’s stayed the whole week. They were the best times of Sirius’ life, albeit spread out. Sirius hadn’t paid attention to his issues with Remus, his parents, his brother, none of them. He was just there to be a teenager, skinny dip in the lake, stay up late under the stars in the sun-warmed grass, do anything they felt like doing. But then he went back. He always went back. And when he returned to James, he looked so, so broken.

 

James leaned back on his hands, his back aching and sore from hunching over the map on the floor. He tipped his head back and sighed, rolling out his neck. This, this road to recovery of both relationships and self. This road to recovery was a long one indeed, and he would see the rehabilitation, healing his friends’ brokenness, through to the end of it, even if he broke himself along the way.


	3. Peter

Peter was able to admit to himself that he didn't quite fit in with his friends. Sure, he was shorter, pudgier, and currently being hit with a second puberty. He couldn't help the way he looked, but he was trying to work on inflating his confidence. If he could simply work up the courage to help the few friends he so desperately clung to, he would. 1,000 times over. He was grateful for them, more than they could ever know.

 

But now that they were all back together, Peter could see exactly what James meant. An invisible barrier had built itself up between all of them. He usually, no, _always_ trusted James, so when he said that Remus and Sirius would be okay, they would be, right?

 

"Oi, Pete," came Sirius' voice from the other side of the couch where he still lay on the floor. "Wanna go raid the kitchen with me?" Peter hadn't realized that time had flown by quite so quickly, so he enthusiastically agreed, scrambling up from the floor and following Sirius to the portrait hole. They strode along in silence through the empty corridors, Peter struggling to match Sirius' lengthy gait. They were around halfway to the kitchens when Sirius held up a hand at Peter, motioning for him to stop, as if he had heard something. "Just a minute."

 

Sirius disappeared around a corner for what felt like ages to Peter, who was waiting alone. Soon he returned, a bright red mark just under his eye. Peter dared not ask, but he was working on his confidence and his curiosity got the better of him.

 

"Are you okay?" It came out as a whisper, almost. Peter wrung his hands in front of him, expecting his concern to be laughed off. Instead, he was overwhelmed with surprise when Sirius spoke up.

 

"I mean, there's a bloody large bruise forming under my eye, so there's that. And honestly, I'm really not okay. I'll talk about it some other time." Silence. "Thanks, Wormtail." More silence until they reached the Fat Lady again. Sirius disappeared up the winding stairs, with Peter alone by the portrait hole.

 

"No problem, Padfoot," Peter whispered to no one. That is, until movement from the sofa and a fiery head of red hair scared the next ten years off of his lifespan. "LILY!" Peter whisper-yelled, still courteous enough to be quiet in the hear-a-pin-drop silence. "Merlin, you scared me."

 

"I'm sorry, Peter," she whispered back. Even at this low volume, her voice was dulcet and mellifluous, a stark contrast to his friends' typical cacophony. She was tucked into the corner of the couch, book in hand, and green eyes bleary. "Are you two alright?" She patted the worn upholstery with an ivory hand. Her pretty features were heightened by the firelight, and she exuded kindness at this late hour. Peter could see why James loved her so.

 

"Honestly? I don't know. There's something going on between Remus and Sirius. I think it's because last year-" he stopped himself, before remembering that Remus had sat Lily down after Snape brought her the "big news." He took a deep breath. "I think it's because they're still mad about what happened last year with Snape. James is trying really hard to keep them together, too." Lily stiffened at the mention of James, but Peter was too impressed with himself for speaking so much to care. 

 

"Well," Lily began pensively, "If Potter is struggling to keep you all as friends, then something must be dreadfully wrong. Are you sure you don't know, and that Sev- _Snape_ knowing about Remus' condition is just a guess?" Lily had marked her book and clasped her hands in her lap, listening intently to what Peter had to say. She was always friendly with Remus, and actually spoke with Sirius quite a lot in the past year. Whether she would admit it or not, she had also warmed up to James a bit. But Peter? Peter had never spoken to her this much in her entire time at Hogwarts.

 

"Yeah, I'm sure. But you're right, Lily," Peter paused, sighing deeply, wishing to go to bed and have everything resolved. "Something is dreadfully wrong."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm ignoring the fact that Peter betrays everyone later. I just want everybody to be HAPPY.


	4. Sirius

Sirius reckoned he ached more than Remus at this point. Most of his skin, tanned from summer, was mottled with bruises of varying shades. Fresh blue and purple to fading green and yellow tie dyed his skin. Classes the past few weeks had been an absolute chore, more so than usual. His joints were sore, and you could slice the tension between the Marauders with a knife. He was ecstatic to finally be able to nestle into his bed and not have to use his aching wrist to scratch down a few words with a feather.

 

James had been trying to do... something. Sirius, his brain swimming with too many thoughts and running on fumes, could not fathom exactly what. He and, surprisingly, Peter, seemed to have made an unspoken pact to be very pushy about his and Remus' dying relationship. Their friendship, once as strong as iron and beautiful as a rose, had been torn to shreds, and all because of Snape and that damn tree. Why had he told him? Why had he jeopardized practically everything? His head was pounding, perhaps from guilt, perhaps from anger with himself, perhaps from the gorgeous black eye he was sporting. But why, he asked himself, why had he betrayed Remus?

 

Remus. The once welcoming, jovial, warm boy was now like a wall of ice, cold and unapproachable. He didn't know if he'd done something else, or if he was still being silently admonished for the events of fifth year. It was likely the latter, so he stayed away. He stayed far from him, speaking only when spoken to, nothing more and nothing less. He left the room as soon as possible, not wishing to stay any longer than he needed. To be honest, Sirius was angry with Remus as well. Angry for finishing the job of destroying their already broken friendship, for ruining one of the scarce good things that he had.

 

He peeled himself up from the plush mattress and shuffled along to his trunk, getting dressed in a trance-like state. He was going to see Madame Pomfrey and have something done about the bruises covering his body. But, he'd have to be cautious in choosing his route. He couldn't risk running into his brother. Not when his brother would bring the House of Black home to Hogwarts. Regulus, once siding with, laughing with, friends with Sirius, had grown into his parents. He, who used to be a carefree kid with tousled hair and missing teeth, was now a stiff backed aristocrat with a distaste for all his parents deemed unacceptable. He was far too much like the people who raised them, even picking up his parents habits of using him as their own personal punching bag.

 

To be clear, Sirius Orion Black was not, and never would be, afraid of his little brother. He did not, however, need to be reminded of the reason he escaped to James'. The constant screaming, berating, beating, and projectiles jarred him. He hadn't slept well, despite Hogwarts being the only place he was ever able to. He was already almost to the stairs when he changed his mind. Perhaps he could make Remus mend his bruises as a start to mending their friendship.

 

"Moon- er, Remus," Sirius whispered, shaking his friend awake. He was met with swatting and mumbled words, but the other boy sat up all the same.

 

"What d'you want?" Remus asked, voice husky from sleep. His eyes widened and he was instantly more alert at the sight of Sirius' swollen face.

 

"Do you think you can fix these?" Sirius asked. Before he could respond, Remus had swung his legs out of the bed and was reaching for his wand. Sirius was promptly sat down on the trunk at the foot of the bed.

 

"Honestly, Padfoot, I'm a werewolf. You think I don't know how to fix a few bruises?" He quipped, already sharp despite just waking up. "How on earth...?" He stopped himself, merely shaking his head and muttering charms that he'd undoubtedly learned from Pomfrey.   Remus didn't seem to think anything was wrong.

 

This rubbed Sirius the wrong way. There was no possible way that Remus wasn't upset anymore. He had to be still fuming, not sitting here leaned in a bit too close, finding even the tiniest of bumps and scrapes to magic away. Not stealing glances with sleepy hazel eyes. Not treating him as a friend. Sirius, who hadn't even realized they'd slipped into their usual casual banter, fell silent. He did not deserve Remus, and Remus didn't deserve to have him as yet another burden. 

 

Once his body looked normal, by his standards, he muttered a quick "thank you" and rushed off to- well, he didn't know where, yet. He just wanted to leave, and to push down that awful combination of anger and sadness and guilt. He noticed that he had clenched his fists, probably from the anger he felt towards himself. But what he didn't notice was the very, very confused look on the face of Remus Lupin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh ho ho, but Sirius is dead wrong. But honestly, when isn't he?


	5. Remus, October

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey I'm back! Admittedly, I was not intending on being away for this long, but here we are. Sorry for being gone so long but here's another chapter! Enjoy!

It was a drag to have Sirius sit here and ask him to fix him when  _he_ was usually the one with the inexplicable bruises. Not to mention the fact that Sirius wouldn't speak to him practically ever. Did he still think that he was still angry about the situation with Snape? Sure, he was still a bit annoyed, but he could never be truly angry at Sirius. Not for long, anyway. Not when Sirius looked as if he'd crawled out of a crypt and moved like a marionette.

 

"Thanks," Sirius mumbled and stalked off. The door shut before Remus had a chance to reply. It was strange, having Sirius be so detached. He still had the same relationship with James, but theirs seemed broken. Remus wasn't angry at Sirius for the incident with Snape anymore. He'd forgiven him, but Sirius was never in the room long enough with him for Remus to even say hello, much less tell him he wasn't angry. To be honest, he was rather mad, but not about last year. No, he was angry at the steps Sirius took to avoid him.

 

Moving to the other side of the Common Room, never sitting next to him in class, leaving the Great Hall when he arrived. These were but a few of the minor annoyances rolled up into one lanky, handsome, er, boyish mess that might not be his friend anymore. Perhaps everything would be reconciled by their annual Halloween prank.

 

"JAMES, you can't DO that," came Peter's shrieking voice up the dormitory stairs. Remus groaned and let his head fall into his hands. Undoubtedly, James had developed some harebrained scheme that could get them all killed. Or worse, expelled.

 

"Oh hey, Moony, we were just getting started on our prank ideas." James and Sirius were trembling with excitement, Peter looked afraid, and Remus was exhausted, despite having just woken up. "Sit down, we'll show you our plans."

* * *

"There is absolutely no way in HELL that will work."

 

"Come on, Rem, be a little optimistic," Sirius said. Remus hadn't heard the nickname "Rem" in a while, but he just assumed it came with the "prank high".

 

"So, you're telling me that you want to bewitch the _whole school_? A school that, might I add, is _already_ armed to the teeth with charms, so much so that you can't even apparate in?"

 

"Yep," James said, sweeping the unfinished map out rom in front of them, and producing a normal map instead. He traced his finger along the halls as he spoke. "We're gonna charm the floors to be like, extra slippery,and then the stairs to do that thing in the dormitories. You know, where they turn into a slide if you're a guy trying to get into the girls' rooms? Might have to get Evans to help with that one. Then the Great Hall-" James took a breath and wiggled his eyebrows. Sirius jumped in.

 

"You know the candles? We're transfiguring them into little ghosts, and one candle is going to follow a student all day, but they're gonna be, like, PEEVES level annoying. Then all of the furniture is going to levitate. And did we mention that we're going to try and get Dumbledore in on it?" Sirius' eyes, lately so dim, were twinkling. It was nice to see a glimpse of what had now become the old Sirius through this new, closed off, and seemingly broken one. "You're the genius here," Sirius said. "You've gotta help us make this work."

 

Remus bit back a smile, but to no avail. "Yeah definitely. But what's Dumbledore for?" Sirius' eyes twinkled again.

 

"You'll see."

 

Sirius stood up and slinked out of the common room to Merlin-knows-where, leaving the three Marauders to their own devices.

 

"That boy is not okay," James said suddenly. Remus and Peter nodded in agreement. "I've not got a clue what to do about it. I don't reckon we're going to lose him, but I don't want to run that risk." Remus and Peter nodded again.

 

"Well," said Peter, quiet as usual. "It's Saturday, so we've got all day to figure out what's wrong." Another silent agreement. However, Peter's plan did not work, because breakfast passed.

 

And lunch.

 

And dinner.

 

And Sirius was around for none of them.


	6. James, October

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit violent. I will section it off so that if you choose not to read through it, you'll have an exact spot to skip to. Much love!

It was 11:30 at night, and James was wearing a hole in the carpet from his nervous pacing. Sirius had been disappearing quite often, and he wasn't in any of his usual spots when James went off to look for him an hour ago. James stormed out of Gryffindor Tower and left his cloak, his wand, and his rationale behind. He was down on the second floor when he heard the distinct c _rack_ of a broken nose. He peered into the darkness of the corridor as his ears picked up the sound of a body slumping to the ground, robes catching on the stone walls.

 

He would have lit his wand, had it not been for the wand already discarded and on the floor, barely close enough to illuminate the scene.

 

Sirius was lying on the floor, a dark pool blending in too closely with the shroud of dark hair around his head. His shoulders were shaking, as if in a futile attempt to press himself up from the red-tinged floor. There were three figures looming over him. James immediately recognized Regulus, and squinted at the other two. Mulciber and Avery, he presumed. One of them, to the left of Regulus, drew his leg back and kicked Sirius in the side. He coughed violently, and James instantly moved to draw his wand, but grabbed only air. He'd left his wand on his bed. Despite himself, he inhaled sharply and pushed up his sleeves until they squeezed his arms.

 

"Get away," he said, voice meek and breaking. He cleared his throat. "I said, get away." Louder, this time. The posse moved fluidly around the unmoving boy on the floor. It had grown so quiet that the only sound was the boy's ragged breathing, seemingly amplified by the environment. The three boys moved as one unit, and it was only as they approached that James understood that he would not leave the situation unscathed, and was very likely unable to take them on. 

 

"Oh, it's one of my brother's  _friends_." Regulus spat the last word as if it left a bad taste in his mouth. "What are you going to do?" 

 

Regulus posed an excellent question. What was he going to do? Footsteps, thundering toward them, were his saving grace.

 

"What is this?" Cried McGonagall, shooing the Slytherin boys away from Sirius. She crouched down, placing the back of her hand to his bloodied forehead. "Mr. Potter, help me get him up. We will be taking Mr. Black to the Hospital Wing immediately, even though it seems Poppy has certainly seen her fair share of him since the year began. Afterwards, you will see me in my office. Do not return to your dormitory." The Slytherins, who were trying to tiptoe away from the scene unnoticed, were caught. "Fifteen points from Slytherin. Each." They groaned. McGonagall added, "As well as two weeks detention."

 

James hefted Sirius up from the polished stone floor, now slick with an alarming amount of blood. One of Sirius' arms went over James' shoulder, and to his surprise, McGonagall took up the other side.

* * *

 

They left Sirius swaddled in crisp, white sheet sunder the watchful eye of the nurse, sporting a split eyebrow, broken nose, and even more new bruises on his sides and back. McGonagall pinched the bridge of her nose and leaned her elbows on her desk. Normally, James would have laughed at the sight of a disgruntled Minerva in her pajamas.

 

"Do you have any speculations as to what is going on, Mr. Potter?"

 

James blinked in surprise, taken aback that he wasn't being scolded for being out of bed.

 

"N-no, ma'am," he began, tripping over his words as he tried to sort out the right ones to say. "He came back from the summer holiday pretty beaten up, and he hasn't really gotten much better since he's been back. He gets new bruises and stuff all the time." He swallowed thickly, not wanting to even think about what might happen if the Blacks were to receive a letter about the current situation.

 

"You believe it has to do with his brother?"

 

_Straight to the point as ever, Minnie,_ James thought. He worried the hem of his shirt. "Yes." McGonagall gave a nearly imperceptible nod. James inhaled deeply. "I... went looking for him, Professor. He's been slipping away and coming back beaten up. I thought I might find him tonight after I heard him get up and leave.:

 

"You're lucky I was awake, young man. I will find a way to deal with this. For now, please return to your dormitory." He bade her goodnight and left the Transfigurations classroom. James circled back to the hospital wing to check up on Sirius one more time.

 

He sat down, leaning forwards on his knees with his hands clasped. "You're in here more than Moony at this point, mate," he whispered to nobody. Sirius was out cold, and there was no possible way for him to hear James. "We're your friends, can't you just tell us what's going on?"

 

Sirius stirred a bit in his sleep, but ultimately left James unanswered. James got up from the chair, back popping, and trudged off to make the steady climb back to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mama McG


	7. Peter, October

"Hey, Moony, you alright?" Peter asked. Remus look at him from over the pages of a very thick book.

 

"Yes, why wouldn't I be?" A cocked eyebrow and a lowered book. At least Peter had his full attention now.

 

"Well, you heard what happened to Sirius a few days ago." Peter's heart rate quickened when he saw Remus visibly tense. He'd struck a nerve.

 

"I did. What about it." He was terse and his tone was clipped. Peter gulped.

 

"Oh, n-nothing. Just wondering if you'd heard about it, um, that's all." He wanted to melt into the upholstery. Of course he'd heard about it, the whole school had. There was a steady stream of girls at the hospital wing, to. Blushy first years, giggly seconds, and stammering thirds all lingered outside the door. Fifth and sixth years, and even a few sevenths and a handful of brave fourth years crowded his bed. Sirius, it seemed, was exasperated with them, ready to be rid of the constant attention. However, he wasn't allowed to leave until the next day because he'd hit his head so hard. Peter had seen even Remus glare at a few of the girls with a tangible distaste.

 

A heavy sigh came from Remus' bed, where he was propped up on his pillows. There was the small thud of a book tossed onto the nightstand, and sheets rustled as Remus turned to face him. "Look, Peter, and you can't go telling anyone this, alright? The truth is, I'm worried about him. James asked me earlier today if I was mad at Sirius for last year. I'm not. I'm just staying away because I know how he gets and I... I don't want to hurt him. There's nothing I want more than to help him, but he won't let me. I'm not angry with him, but he won't let me close enough to tell him." Remus fell backwards onto his mattress.

 

Peter was shocked, and rather proud of himself. He'd gotten his friends to tell him so much lately, more than they'd ever told him in the last few years. Never in a million years did he expect a direct, long, or heartfelt answer such as this. He swore he wouldn't say anything. James didn't count, but that was another story. Maybe he could use this to make things right. Maybe he could fix everything that was broken. Maybe all of the misconceptions would disappear. Remus spoke again.

 

"I'm not mad at him, Pete. I could never be." Peter knew this was true. One might even equate this scenario to James never being angry with Lily. Of course, that was ridiculous, because James was entirely head over heels and then some from Lily. His head spun. He knew he would tell James right away, but he just wanted to do what they usually did. Set off a dung bomb, or maybe organize a prank. They'd scrapped their idea for Halloween, anyway. Remus excused himself, to get his schoolwork in order. The full moon was tomorrow and he'd been feeling terribly sick. An awful part of Peter was excited and hoped this would help them out.

 

Right now, however, all he knew was that we was hungry and tired and quite overwhelmed. Whose idea was it to trust him with all of this information, anyway?


	8. Sirius, October

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is rather long. Also, it's been a hot minute. Yay, midterms! That aside, Merry Christmas and happy holidays!

The moon came and went, and Remus' cries of agony still played back at deafening volumes in the back of his mind. He was currently curled up next to Remus as Padfoot, on a rickety and broken bed. The sheets were stained with fresh blood, not all of it belonging to the frail and deeply sleeping boy. Sirius felt a weak hand burrow itself into the fur on his back, and he only moved closer.

 

"You should go," croaked Remus. "They'll be here to collect me soon." Sirius shifted back into a human, but did not move, still pressed up against Remus.

 

"You need someone here, Moons," Sirius whispered. The other boy hadn't heard that one in a long time, and smiled weakly at the pet name. It had been third year when that nickname came about. Third year when none of this mess was happening. Third year when he wasn't confused about wanting to have Sirius stay and lie with him, as a dog or not. Sirius spoke again. "This one was pretty bad." He winced as he shifted, a deep gash in his leg the source of his pain. Sirius touched his wound lightly and grimaced in pain before muttering, "And I only thought this kind of thing happened at home."

 

"What?" inquired Remus. Sirius shook his head, long hair brushing against the werewolf's shoulder.

 

"Nothing." Sirius was startled by his friend sitting bolt upright in a burst of energy.

 

"Quick, someone's coming." Sirius turned back into a dog and crawled beneath the bed. Sure enough, not a moment later he was observing the feet belonging to the people that bent over the bed. He wormed his way out and circled around their ankles. Some shooed, some stroked him, and some paid him no mind. Sirius heard things from "How did that get in here," to "Look, Remus, you have a friend." He fought back a throaty growl while hands that weren't his, James', or Peter's prodded, doctored, and prepared Remus to go back to the school. Remus, who was lying in a heap on the bed, clothes in a tattered pile in the corner. It never ceased to pain Sirius when he saw one of his best friends hurting like this, curled in on himself after a night of trying to rip himself apart. 

 

 A few moments later, when everyone else had left, he became Sirius again. "You shouldn't have done that," Remus said, weakly attempting to scold his friend. Sirius rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

 

"Why not? Who's going to know it's me?" He plopped down next to Remus again and shifted the other boy against him so he could support his weight, because Remus was too weak to do it himself. "Also, what's the harm in one of us staying with you after you transform?" A deep sigh came from Remus.

 

"Because," he groaned while he craned his neck to see Sirius. "Someone could find out, and I don't- I don't need it." Sirius suddenly sat up, Remus sliding off of him and wincing in pain as his back hit the scratched up headboard. 

 

"So first it's them, and now it's you, too, huh?" He furiously gathered his wand and the bar of chocolate he'd brought down. "I can't seem to do anything right, apparently. I don't even do your transformations, which I didn't even have to help you with in the first place, right. I'm going back." And with that, Sirius bustled out of the room, unnecessarily angry. Everything with his family, and now whatever storm was brewing here, was weighing so heavily on him that he thought he might fall and never get back up again.

 

He stormed through the disheveled house, kicking and punching things as he went. So what if he broke anything, it wasn't going to matter. That's what the place was for. Eventually, he was stomping through the Great Hall, where he took his place with his other friends for breakfast. A very formal-looking envelope was placed neatly on his plate. The feminine scrawl across the front could only be his mother's. Tearing it open and giving it a once over, the scowl plastered on his face for the past twenty minutes deepened.

 

"You alright, mate?" James pressed, shooting a worried glance at Sirius' bleeding thigh. Sirius shrugged.

 

"Just a scratch and a letter from mum. Says she got wind that I was friends with a werewolf. Must've been Reg. I'll deal with him later. 'One more wrong move and I'll be disowned,' she says. I've been hearing that one for a while now."  They finished wolfing down their breakfast in silence. Sirius spotted his brother get up to leave from across the Hall. "I'll catch up with you later," he said, dismissing himself with his eyes still glued to his brother. He met him outside and backed him into a wall.

 

"Did you tell her about Remus?" He snarled, borderline dog-like. No answer. He snatched up a fistful of collar. "I _said_ ," he snapped, louder this time. "Did you tell her about Remus?" Regulus furiously shook his head, then stared up at him with dark, pleading eyes.

 

"No! I- I didn't. Someone else must have. And no, I don't know who, and I won't press to find out because I don't want to hurt you more. I'm sorry for the way I've acted towards you, Sirius. I love you, I really do. You're my brother. Mum's going to disown you, and I didn't tell her anything because I," he drew in a shaky breath. "I still want you to be able to come home."

 

Sirius released him, if only to take a moment to process what he had just heard. "So you," Sirius gave his brother some room to breathe. "Have been beating me up, like mum and dad do, to get me to come home?" Regulus nodded. "To _condition me_ into a better pure blood?" Another, more sheepish, nod. "Maybe you could act like the brother you still claim to be, then," he spat. Sirius left without another word, resuming the hurried, angry pace he'd acquired earlier that day.

 

His temper was flaring, never a good sign. All he wanted was to go to sleep, and pick up his cast away problems in the morning. Even if it was only six o'clock. Instead, he found Remus perched on the edge of his bed. Remus, who had skipped the hospital wing and looked like hell. A piercing gaze from Sirius at least made him get up. "I'm not mad at you, you know." He half-whispered. "Whatever you've been thinking since the beginning of this year, or since this morning, or whenever, it's not true. I'm not angry." Sirius felt some small, insignificant part of himself relax. One less thing he had to deal with. 

 

"Okay," he said tersely, and snapped his curtains shut.


	9. Remus, November

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! I hope your holidays were wonderful.

James and Peter had been the ones to carry out the Halloween prank this year, as he was too busy worrying about, well, too much. The Dumbledore bit was brilliant- he'd pretended not to see anything, and had done a fantastic job of it, too. Even he and Sirius had smiled, both of whom did so sparingly these days. Remus found himself daydreaming over his charms paper. Sirius' smile was quite nice. There were people with nice smiles, and then there were people with beautiful ones- ones that could brighten and entire room. Sirius had one of those.

 

"Mister Lupin!" called Flitwick from the front of the room. "Care to answer the question? Or perhaps tell us what your focus was dedicated to?" He put his head down into his paper again. What was he thinking?

 

"You were talking about protective charms, sir," he mumbled, hoping he was right when he hadn't retained a single charm the professor had named.

 

Flitwick narrowed his eyes. "Very good, Lupin. However, I would suggest you pay closer attention next time." Remus breathed a silent sigh of relief. His eyes drifted over to the table to his left, namely its occupants. They travelled down a sharp jawline and cheekbones to match, then over ebony hair that barely grazed his shoulders. Stormy grey eyes pored over the parchment on the table beneath a furrowed brow. Remus quickly diverted his attention back to where it should be. On his paper. Not Sirius. His paper. Not his friend.

 

He was doing a fantastic job of minding his own business until class let out. He allowed himself a final peek at Sirius, who had a full, pink lip trapped between pearly-white teeth. Remus suddenly felt the intense desire to hurl himself from the astronomy tower when he found himself wondering what those lips tasted like, and how they would feel crushed up against his own. He pinched himself. Hard. Then he gathered up his things and booked it to lunch. And just in time, too, he noted. Because Sirius was up and close behind him to catch up with their friends.

 

"Oi, Moony!" Called James. "Where are you off to in such a rush?" Remus felt James' hand on his shoulder. He playfully shooed him away.

 

"I'm headed to lunch, James. For this new thing called 'eating'. I need to do it, because not all of us turn into a raging beast and nearly kill ourselves on a monthly basis and need energy." James feigned shock.

 

"I never would have thought!" he gasped, earning an overenthusiastic laugh from Peter and even a sort of pity chuckle from Sirius. Remus fought back a frown. Sirius looked liked he hadn't slept last night, even though he'd shut his curtains in Remus' face. Remus, even though he was the one who had recently turned into a real life monster, felt the overwhelming urge to care for and nurture Sirius. He dug his fingernails into the palm of his hand until he felt hot liquid trickle down his palm.  _Remus Lupin, you will not,_ he thought.

* * *

Two weeks later, Remus was ready to haul ass to Madame Pomfrey. He'd been feeling nauseous and dizzy, and his cheeks had been getting burning hot. Lily stopped him on his way out of the portrait hole.

 

"Hey, are you feeling alright?" She took on a concerned tone and rested a gentle hand on his shoulder. Remus shook his head.

 

"I'm alright at the moment, but I've been getting this strange feeling in my stomach and my cheeks have been getting warm. Sometimes my heart rate increases and my knees go all funny. I must be coming down with something." He started to panic when Lily narrowed her eyes and looked him up and down, then felt his forehead. Then, she laughed.

 

"Remus, love, I think you like someone." He could only imagine the horror stricken look on his face as Lily cackled and pulled him to a sofa in a lesser used area of the common room. Remus shook his head for the second time in the last three minutes. "I regret to inform you, but you're showing all the signs. The question is, who is it?" She was ready to practically leap out of her seat, and the gleam in her eyes put Remus on edge.

 

"Sirius is _HOT_ ," he blurted, before his hands flew to cover his mouth and he fought the impulse to make a break for it. Why had he said that? There had to be some explanation other than unrequited, newfound feelings, right? Right? There was that alarming cackle again. She wiped her eyes and fell back into the cushions.

 

"Glad you're finally admitting it. It's painfully obvious. Well, to me at least." Remus gulped.

 

"Why is it obvious to you, specifically?"  
  


"Well, you tend to appreciate the finer things in life, such as someone who isn't Potter." She scoffed. "When you experience something like that, you often notice the normal." Remus couldn't help but agree. It was true- James' way of acting on his feelings for Lily was anything BUT normal. Still, he felt that there wasn't a single thing even remotely mundane about this. He felt wrong.

 

"Lily, what am I going to do?" He whispered, refraining from being any louder for fear of his voice breaking under the sheer weight of everything he was feeling now. "How do I make it go away?"

 

Lily shrugged. "You don't." Remus gaped. "It will either fade away, or bug you forever. You'll know which one it is by what you like. Do you think he's just a pretty face, or is there more there?"

 

Remus thought for a moment, then said, "Well, he's got a nice laugh. And his smile is amazing. And he's so funny- he always knows how to cheer me up. He's so gentle during moons, too, and he never lets anyone bother me or pry. And you can always see what he'd feeling in his eyes, you know? He's kind, and he-" Remus groaned. So it was the latter kind of feelings, then. "Merlin, I sound like such a girl," he said, earning a playful slap from Lily. "I have no idea what to do. I can't just say anything. In fact, I don't even know how long I've... liked him," he said, testing out those last few words. However, he did know. He knew exactly how long. He'd been almost in awe of him for the first few days after they met- but that wasn't anything. The first time he really knew was after their first moon after becoming Animagi, when Sirius had been bruised, bloodied, and hardly able to stand, yet still staggered over to Remus to help him get dressed and ease him onto the dirty sheets. It had been just over a year of subconsciously burying, shredding, burning, and getting rid of these feelings in any way he could. Perhaps the incident with Snape was a blessing in disguise. It meant he didn't have to deal with his thoughts on Sirius, especially if he would hardly talk to him even now.

 

Except, he wanted to talk to him. He wanted everything to be okay again. Wanted to ease his burdens. Wanted him to stop drifting so far away. Lily was smiling at him.

 

"You got it bad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emotional Support Evans? Also, Remus Lupin does not know what a crush is.


	10. James, November

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, I'm back! I'm sorry I left (again) and that every other chapter I'm usually apologizing for something. I had an unexpected episode of not connecting or putting myself into my writing, and most days I couldn't at all. That's half of the reason for my absence, the other half being that I wasn't too happy with what I had been posting for the last few chapters. I am over the moon to be updating again and will be making a conscious effort to make any and all future chapters better than before. Thank you!

"Sirius is _HOT_."

 

James paused, not even daring to breathe as he tried to work out whose voice made the confession. It was one the Marauders had heard many times before from lots of people, laughed at, and brushed off, but this one was different. This one was frantic and dripping with panic. This one, James realized to his utter shock, was Moony. Instead of pretending he had never heard it and proceeding to quidditch practice like a good captain, he remained tucked away on the stairs and listening in. He would scold himself later.

 

From the other side of the wall, James heard Remus explain in great detail everything he liked about Sirius. And while he was happy for Moony, he also felt his stomach drop lower than the lake was deep. Sirius, it seemed, was perpetually angry this year. He would be insufferable until he was inevitably disowned, and then he would be an entirely new kind of disagreeable. It pained James to think this way, but it was the bitter truth. He didn't want to see Remus get hurt, he didn't want Remus to know he'd heard anything, and he also didn't want to stop Remus' slow-but-sure success in reigning Sirius back in. Silently and reeling with confusion, James crept back up the stairs, shut his door to make it seem like he was leaving, and tread slightly heavier until he reached the common room again. This time, he heard a hurried “someone’s coming, thanks Lils,” and he knew that was his cue to walk to the portrait hole and pretend he’d heard nothing.

 

“Hi, Prongs. Off to practice?” Remus said, a bit too forced and a bit too happily. James schooled his face into a calm and collected smile.

 

“Yeah, you wanna come watch?” It was a subtle push for Remus to come and see Sirius more than it was anything else, and he silently prayed that his genius mate didn’t catch on.

 

“Sure, but only for part of it. It’s a bit nippy out.” James pumped his fist internally, externally shaking his head with a chuckle. “Moony, you’ve got enough sweaters for our entire year. Just head out when you’re ready.” He adjusted his robes and made his way out.

 

“Bye, Evans,” he said over his shoulder. An afterthought, because he couldn’t really help himself. Then, it dawned on him that this may be the way Remus felt about Sirius- like he couldn’t help it.

 

Once they were out to the pitch and he and Remus had parted ways, he began to think again about what he'd just heard. Luckily, it wouldn't be too awkward, as there were usually people watching practice anyway, and it wouldn't be like he was the only one. But Heaven help him, he didn't need any more on his plate at the moment. It would only be a matter of time until people started to find out, then Remus would just have more problems to deal with. Finding himself in the locker room, he also found himself without the motivation to hold practice. A rare occurrence. He snatched up his broom.

 

"Right, you lot. A bit of a lazy day today. It's sort of nippy, so I'm shortening practice to an hour, just pair up and work on what you need to, okay?" He turned and kicked off the ground, soaring high into the freezing mist of November rain and gazing down at the dots of scarlet zipping through the air beneath him. Then, someone was behind him. It was Sirius, who hadn't been showing up. "Haven't seen you in a minute."

 

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Sirius grumbled. His bruises and scrapes had faded, but the toll it took on his body was spelled out in the bags beneath his eyes. "I haven't been sleeping. I guess you've kind of figured out why, huh?" He rubbed his eyes, teetering dangerously on his broom without the use of his hands but still retaining his typical carefree air. "Before you ask, and I know you're going to because I've known you for too long, I wanted to fix it. I wanted to make amends and have him tell me his side of the story, but every time there were just- there were just too many of them. Then I gave up, and now it's somehow worse." James wanted to scream, punch something, tear his own hair out because there wasn't a single thing he could do to fix the situation besides lend an ear. He decided to press.

 

"That's not the only reason you're mad, is it? Not the only reason you're taking it out on everyone else?" Sirius twisted at a strand of his hair- a nervous tic.

 

"Nah, but it's all home life, I'll give you that much." That satisfied James. Except, he felt horrible for Remus, having to endure everything Sirius was going through as well as whatever feelings he had towards him. To be fair, it was too much for one person. Perhaps even two or three, and James knew what kind of situation Sirius was in. Being in that environment for so long leaves one feeling like their home life is seeping into their school life, like they can't escape from what they do wrong at home, or how their parents make them feel. He knew because Sirius had told him that once. "Looks like everyone's headed in. Catch you down there." He sped off towards the pitch, spinning and flipping as he plummeted towards the sand. James bet that if anything were the best feeling in the entire world to Sirius in the current moment, it would be flying. If he were being cliché it would be because it was freeing, if he were being his usual self it would be because it's a stress reliever.

 

He touched back down and met up with Sirius on the way back up to the castle. "I'm sorry I've been so, I dunno, weird. I have a lot going on and I'm trying to work on it, I swear. I just-" a pregnant pause. "I've been kinda ruining this year for us because I feel like such a burden. At home, too. I- ah. Nope. I don't wanna hear it, James. Not until everything blows over, then you can 'dad speech' me all you want." Sirius laughed, the first time James had heard it done genuinely in months. He threw his hands up in defeat and cracked a grin himself.

 

"Alright, alright, Pads. Fine. Have it your way. You don't have to tell me everything, just don't come running to me when your teeth get knocked in by your little brother again." Sirius slung an arm over James' shoulders, only to playfully shove him away and precariously close to a particularly large mud puddle. They laughed. Then it dawned on James- they laughed. They were here, together, having a good time like friends do, with no oppressive parents or emotions getting in the way. They saw Remus further up the path and, thinking as one, ran to catch up to him. James was ruffling his hair, but Sirius kept a respectable distance and looked either remorseful or upset, James couldn't really tell. Something else must have happened, James thought. He knew their friendship was on its last leg at the moment, so he elected to leave well enough alone, ignore the way he now saw Remus look at Sirius, and leave Sirius be. There was healing to be done, sure, but everyone has to start somewhere.

 


	11. Hi Everyone

Let me preface this by saying yes, I know most of my notes on this fic consist of me apologizing, and yes, I'm going to do it again. I'm sorry. Within the next 24 hours, this fic will have been deleted. I say this because I have so many things planned for it, but the set up I've written just doesn't sit right with me and I'm not proud of or impressed by it, so I am unable to get to these plans I've got. Will I be starting a newer, better written, less confusing Wolfstar fic in the future? Count on it! Will I rewrite and repost in the future? There is a very high probability, as I have done that with a fic in the past (though admittedly I am not in the reposting stage of that one just yet). I am well aware that this probably comes across as selfish, but I want to be positive that anyone who reads what I write is enjoying it- I'm just very particular about the finished product. To be honest, and I already know the number is not exceedingly high, I don't know how many people have read this. But to those who have, thank you for doing so, though it's not the greatest thing I've ever written. I would also like to add that I am not doing this for comments, compliments, or anything like that. It is of my own volition and disappointment in and frustration with my work that I am taking it down. Thanks so much.


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